Let the Light In.

Hey everyone!

Sorry we haven't been very good at keeping up on letting you know the lessons we have been learning, but I can assure you we both have been learning many lessons over the past few months that we are trying to grasp hold of and understand so we can hopefully share with you!

With that being said I felt the best way to help myself take a better hold on this new lesson I am embracing in my life was to share it with you. I am sure many if not all of you can relate to just waking up and being in a funk and not knowing where it came from or how to snap out of it. I found myself in this spot the past few days and have been wrestling with myself on trying to get out of it because I have a lot more on my plate to get done and its hard to find motivation when all I consume myself with are these defeating thoughts. I want to share a story with you all that after I went to church this morning I thought of and it brought it all full circle for me. This is one of the difficult things to admit that I am struggling with and allowing others to know I am is even harder-but that is the first step to being truthful and being able to take the step to move forward.

I went to visit my family this summer in VA and one day I was walking to my car in a grocery store parking lot when a random car pulled up behind me and the gentleman inside started to tell me that he had to talk to me. I have watched enough dateline to know maybe this wasn't the smartest thing to stop and have a conversation with this complete stranger but he seemed adamant and I had a feeling that I needed to hear what he had to share. So I made sure to keep my distance but allowed him to share what he felt he needed to tell me. He started off telling me that I had a presence about me and that as he drove by that he felt the Lord telling him to stop. I was definitely skeptical but tried to keep an open mind. He proceeded to tell me that there were a few things he felt were placed on his heart that I needed to hear: 1) I am a strong woman of the Lord however I am even better at putting up a mask that I have it all together when in reality I do not believe in myself as much as others may think. He said my value is more than I give it credit for and that it is time to stop defeating myself constantly and start believing in my worth and my ability; 2) That I am beautiful- not just looks but that I have a beautiful soul and that while people may think I agree that I still see my flaws and faults and that it was time to see myself through different eyes and believe that I am the person the Lord created and sees. After he told me all of this it was almost as if I had built a wall immediately and denied that it was true, I did believe in myself, I did think I was beautiful and had it all together. But now more than ever I can see that every point he made to me that day was true and that mask I place over it is creating more pain and hurt than if I would just let light in and let the Lord take hold and live the life He wrote for me.

'Trusting in anything is sometimes a hard practice to learn and even when it comes to God you can say you do but to feel the unease and worry shows that you simply do not trust Him enough. The strength of that trust is not enough and YOU have to learn how to fully believe He is the light, the way, and all will be right when you let Him lead your life and show you the amazing story He has already written for you.' I wrote that after a prayer this morning before attending church and I know some of you will be skeptical but the service was about Jesus being the light and the way to a better life and every single thing said in the service rang true to what I had wrote down. It was an overwhelming sense of having the Lord be with me and tell me He understood where I was and that He is ready to help me get out of this funk and see it is time to walk out of the dark and live in the light.

This is already a novel and if you are still with me I will try to be concise in my next few points-but I felt that this was something some of you are going through too and I don't want to simply say do this without explaining how it could be applicable to your story. If you want to live a life empowered by God to have hope then you have to start by knowing Jesus and learning about Him. You cannot simply wait to have hope when your problems go away and get better if that's what you are waiting for then you will be waiting a long time and honestly probably won't have that hope until your funeral. Instead have hope in whatever you are going through and fix your eyes on Jesus and thats how you will have hope in this world and all the trials you are going through and will go through.

A lot of us may be putting up the same mask I do and believe He will get me through it all but its time to be honest with yourself and admit that there are parts of our lives that we do not want to let Him shine his light on and we would rather live in the darkness and hold the control because we are afraid to let it be seen. I am sure many of us ask ourselves these questions:

1) How can you really have hope that comes from knowing Christ, if you do not really know Christ? You can't.
2) How can you fix your eyes on someone without ever seeing them? You can't.
3) How can you have the mindset of Christ if you don't know how He thinks? You can't.
4) How can you follow Jesus or anyone else for that matter if you don't know where it is that they want to take you? It's hard.

Follow Him, and get to know Him and that is how you will learn to change the you can't into I just do. Knowing Him can help me learn to trust Him more than I already say I do.

Jesus never gives up on you-its ourselves that give up so easily we accept defeat too quickly and we lack the strength to press on and give in too easily to the darkness. If you'll take Him and walk with Him then He has promised (John 1:15) that the lights will turn on and you will know what life is all about. But you have to understand what it is you are accepting because you can have light but if you do not understand it then you are still in the darkness because you haven't received the light, admitted it, or allowed it into every part of your life. John 1:11

Sometimes we are afraid to let God shine light on parts of our lives, like me and my vulnerability to not having it all together and not believing I can and will get through every obstacle I face. Sometimes the light shines on a part of your life and it makes things awkward or brings out the pain. Think of it as walking outside from a dark room and how you have to adjust your eyes to the amount of light now shining on you. Some of us run back inside or squint or try to block the light with our hands but you have to know you cannot live in the darkness forever. Living a life like that isn't really living a life-you let others down, you miss opportunities, and you won't live the life that you were meant to live. Don't paralyze your life by accepting the dark and living in a life of fear and failures. Hold onto His teachings and you will be set free. John 8:32

If He is who He says He is then don't you think that He can help you and make any situation better? Are you like me and have enough people that don't believe in you that don't like you or gave up on you and expect you to fail and you are afraid He will be added to that list too if you let Him in? Remember this we have a very limited perspective and very limited eye-sight and God loves each of us more than we could ever know and He is the LAST person that would be added to that list.

At our church we have a saying: "Me Too" know that you are not alone we all have some part of our life that needs to be healed and even when others tell you that you should be over it by now you aren't and it still brings pain-Let Jesus shine light and help heal that part with you. Don't be ashamed that the pain still exists-many of us put up the mask to make it seem like we are stronger than we are, we fake others out but God knows your heart and He knows you are weak and shaky-let Him be that strength and shine light on you to help you replace the mask with truth.

I will leave you with this song that brings meaning to all of these lessons: Cornerstone- a cornerstone is the first stone laid in a house, if you get it wrong then the house and everything after it will be wrong so let God be your Cornerstone and you can't go wrong in life no matter which path you take because He will be walking it with you.

Day 4: Being all there during conflict

I think thus far this has been one of the most eye opening challenges for myself. The book used a quote that really makes you think about how we approach problems in relationships:

"Avoid viewing conflict as a sign that there must be something wrong with the relationship. Instead view conflict as an opportunity for growth."

So many of us do not do conflict-so this makes it hard to be there in the middle of a conflict. I am not afraid of conflict-but lately in some of my relationships when it gets heated or emotional I just walk away or tune it out and try not to let it bother me anymore. I would rather just not deal with it than to knowingly say my piece and have the other person be mad at me. So while it may be all nice and dandy because I didn't bring up what was bothering me, I wasn't doing myself any favors. Every time you suppress a tough issue in a relationship in order to avoid conflict, you pay for it in the end. Avoidance eventually undermines the integrity of the whole relationship and keeps it on a superficial level. You create the problems that keep reoccurring. I have always said you can't get mad at someone for doing and acting in a way that you never told them hurt or bothered you-so why then do we all still let this happen? It's important if you want to have a relationship that is not surface level with anyone that you are willing to face the difficult issues and stay engaged until you work through them.

Communicating about tough issues is a lot like playing a game of Ping-Pong. It's actually the perfect metaphor for today's topic. Many times when one person gets up the courage to talk about something that's really bothering them, the other person decides to ignore the problem. Think about it how frustrating would it be if you were playing ping-pong and every time you served, your opponent let the ball drop off the table and never hit it back? You wouldn't want to play with them anymore (considering you weren't really playing). Another way we handle conflict is that we force a quick conclusion. We still really aren't participating in the game because we are just trying to rush it and end it quickly.

So how do you approach the uncomfortable topics?

1) Careful beginnings: Consider starting with introductory questions like.."Do we have a problem?, or "Can we talk about something?" I think the hardest thing about conflict is the beginning-getting it out their and known. We often set ourselves up for failure because we use negative or accusatory words right out of the cage. Don't do this-we don't want to kill the relationship, so don't open with something that could.

2) Shared feelings: "This is what I'm feeling, do you feel the same way?" You are including the other person and their side of the issue at hand. You cannot argue someone's feelings-they are what they are, so this opens that door up so they can understand what is going on and you can too.

3) Real Listening: James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Think about how many of us do the exact opposite! We are quick to speak and we get angry, and are slow to listen. Most of the time we hear what the other person is saying, but we aren't really listening or we are already on the defense and thinking about what we can say back to them-missing everything. To make progress you need to listen beneath the words-and realizing what is being said is often only the top of the huge iceberg.

4) Reflecting Truth: So many arguments are based on impressions and exaggerations of what others actually think or feels. Sometimes its been built up for so long they have created a whole new truth that isn't really there.

5) Taking Turns: Make sure when you actually give the other person a turn you aren't busy composing your response and really listen to them.

6) Six Words: "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" Trust me those can be tough words to say, and it isn't always appropriate to say them. But sometimes we are wrong. Make sure though that you mean it-don't throw around an I'm sorry if you are going to just turn around and do the same thing again. It is not a band-aid.

Our culture says that conflict makes relationships too hard. That when there is a problem or disagreement, it means the relationship wasn't meant to be, and that you are not right for each other, it's time to move on. Love at Last sight says that conflict is a sign that a relationship is real. Conflict shows that you both care. So understand that sometimes why you get so angry when someone brings up something it may very well be because you care about them, and therefore care that they are hurt. Also it could be a sign of guilt that you know you are in the wrong and it's easier to get mad about it than accept the wrong doing.

Work through conflicts-it really does make a relationship stronger in the end.

Day 3: Invisible-Being there on a Deeper Level

This is a tough one because so many of us I don't think want to accept that we do this, nor accept that we allow others to do this to us. Sadly, people that are often closest to us treat us as if we are invisible, and many of us are at fault too. We sometimes look right at them but miss who they really are. We can be with them in person but not even notice their needs and concerns, failing to see what's underneath. Take a second and think about your key relationships-do you really see these people, the ones you think you are so close to? I mean do you really see them, their needs, their feelings, their dreams, their fears, their passions...their heart?

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own life and our own urgencies that we are blind to those around us. We let these things take over our thoughts and consume ourselves with it. I just did this recently, I was so concerned with all the things piling up on me that I even jumped to conclusions of things. I literally felt like leaving my life for just a second to get a breath-but then I remember that everything will still be there when I get back. You can't run from problems, but you should never let them make you blind to those around you. Don't let these things make you bitter-sometimes it may take a breakdown to refocus on what is really important, but try hard to remember someone else always has it worse and put everything into perspective for yourself. There is always a reason and a worth to whats going on in your life so take your energy and try and embrace those instead.

A story that came to mind when reading today was the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. The woman was a Samaritan, and Jesus was a Jew. In the Bible we are told that Jews do not associate with Samaritans, but we also were taught that Jesus loves us all and he focused on hearts, not prejudices. Jesus asked the woman to give him a drink, she replied that she was not worthy. She was  a Samaritan after all, so who was she to give him a drink? As John 4:10 states Jesus said to her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is who asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." So she did ask Him for this living water because she realized He had the power to save her. It goes on that Jesus knew everything about this woman because He saw her heart. Now of course He is God and we are not so we cannot see into people's hearts the way He does, but in Jesus we have a model for relationships. Jesus dismissed all distractions to notice her and speak to her, he saw that what she said on the surface was not what truly rested deep in her heart, and He chose to be all there for her. We need to see people as Jesus did. Maybe there is someone at your workplace, whom you see everyday but you've never really seen them. Maybe there is a family member whom you see all the time, but you've never really seen them. And what I think could be the worse is maybe you've taken someone for granted, looking past them and not really looking at them.

Think about your key relationships-maybe they have become stagnate because you have been so consumed with your own life that you haven't stopped long enough to see the need in the other person's eyes. Maybe you haven't expressed your own needs to others and as in the story, Jesus expressed his need first (the water) and when you do that it is like giving permission for others to do the same. If you care to be a good friend, a true significant other, or a loving family member, then you'll care enough to look and listen for what someone is trying to say underneath it all.

I think about Nelson Mandela-he was invisible for years before he became president. As a president he made sure to greet everyone who served him the same way he would greet a head of state, genuinely asking how they were doing and remembering their names. He had been treated as invisible for so long that he didn't want to make anyone else feel that way.

Challenge for today: Stop and take a second look at the people you care about most today. You may be surprised when you stop seeing only what you want to see and begin to view them with new eyes and a sensitive heart. Do one better and let them know that they will never be invisible to you-it may seem silly but that person will appreciate it more than you'd know.

The Non-Negotiables

So, I figured since Cady just killed it with two posts in a row, it was time to start writing. First off, since our blog is about that precious little green straw that brings so much joy to our lives, I would write the post from no other place but Starbucks. Today I treated myself to the new refresher drinks. Its a tea made from a green tea bean. They are delicious and I would recommend the Very Berry with Lemonade. Bare with me, I may be all over the place on this one.

Anyways, lately God has really been hitting me hard with Trust. In all honesty, when is He not? This summer I was invited to 9 weddings, yes 9. Including my best friend from high school! All of them were around my age and I am only 22! In some ways it made me feel behind or out of the loop, because I am traveling down the single road. However, God has really shed light on my situation. I have had so many opportunities to pour into lives and develop relationships with friends that I may not have had the chance to. It is a lot easier to say I have patience than to actually practice it.

"A heart that has peace is life to the body, but wrong desires are like the wasting of the bones." Proverbs 14:30.

Woah! Right? God's timing is so much better than our own. "Wasting of the bones" gives me such a visual. I find comfort in the fact that God has a perfect person picked out for me. He is already preparing his heart for me, and mine for him. So, why should I feel behind? God has been showing me what it truly means to be patient and trust Him. I want to "discipline my thoughts to trust Him as He works His ways in my life. I want to "Pray about everything;  and leave the outcomes to Him." My wrong desires to have what my friends have is a "wasting of my bones," when God can be using me so much in this present time.

To help me come to this realization, God sends friends into my life to just speak truth, even when they aren't aware of it. Recently, I had a fruitful talk with my dear friend Erin. She gave me some great advice. We were discussing marriage and relationships, and I was expressing to her my feelings and my impatience. We both agreed that it was hard but in no way were we about to settle. Her advice was this, write down the non-negotiable characteristics and qualities that you want in a husband, and pray over them. So simple, right? Today, I wrote my non-negotiables. I was so excited, because I know that God is preparing someone who not only fits those qualities but exceeds them. Now, in no way am I trying to limit God or put Him in box. His will and grand design for my life is far better than I can imagine. Writing these non-negotiables has given me more of a patience, because I know that one day God will place him into my life.

Gosh I sound like such a girl right now. :) I do know this, "a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her." Nothing beats that. I  encourage you to write your non-negotiables and pray over then. Allow God to lay those desires on your heart because "In our hearts we plan our course, but the Lord establishes our steps," Proverbs 16:9. Trust Him, and His plans, because our timing is nothing compared to His. Thanks for reading my ramble :)

Day 2: Zoning in-Being all there in the moment

To continue from Day 1-the challenge is still about working on being there for your key relationships. Day 2 talks about not simply just showing up, but being present in the moment as well. No matter what you may think every single one of us longs to know we are worth someones total attention. It is human nature to want to be wanted in some way by someone-especially if you yourself consider that relationship meaningful. 

When was the last time someone dropped everything they were doing and focused on you, that they really listened to what you had to say? It might be hard to think of because it seems that we all allow simple distractions to take even just moments of our attention away and that can have an effect on the person you are interacting with. As children we were so much better at expressing this want and need for attention because we demanded it. We all can see when children smack the table or call out Mom, Mom, Mom...until you finally give them your attention. All they want is someone to pay attention to them because what they are about to say or do is important to them. As we get older this desire is still present we just seem to be more timid about demanding it. Most fear that it's comes off as too much, or makes them look weak and vulnerable to the other person and eventually will drive the person that we want attention from away. If they so easily would be driven off because you just wanted to feel like you mattered to them-then isn't it a good thing that they walked away? If you matter then something as simple as asking for there attention when they are present isn't going to make them walk in the other direction. Remember how you feel when you are in this moment so that you can remember to not make others feel it when it is your attention they want. 

"Where ever you are, be all there" consciously make yourself aware of this and practice it! I am definitely at fault when it comes to this, I need to work on being all there because I do let a text or a phone call or something I have on my to-do list to get in the way of truly engaging in a conversation or giving someone my undivided attention. However, I am the first to think when someone does that to me that I must not be worth their time and they have something else they would rather be doing right now. When you find yourself zoning out or thinking about something else you have to get done-become conscious and pull yourself back and think where ever you are, be all there. This will make a huge difference because it makes the other person feel like you value them and believe they are worth your full focus. Now remember this whole challenge is not for every single relationship you have, it is for your key relationships. There are a lot of relationships we have with others that are very surface level and that's not the ones we are talking about working on. 

We lose focus because we are always rushing to get somewhere to do something, our society has made us feel we are lazy and not productive when we aren't moving at high speeds to get things done. We try to out due each other by how busy we are in a day and how much we had to get done on our to-do list. This needs to stop-honestly what is the point in racing through life and racking up awards, degrees, and deals if in the end that's all there is to show but no one to share the experience and celebrate with? You can lose out on relationships and meaningful experiences because you rushed through to do something that you may have thought was the most important task-when if you had slowed down you'd see the company on the journey was the best part the whole time. 

If you want a heart to heart relationship with someone then you need to wipe the fairytale idea out of your head because to have a deep relationship things get messy. The beauty is in the struggle! So many people tell you it should be easy and you shouldn't have to work hard at it but for the most part this isn't true. It shouldn't be a constant battle but you are going to have moments that are both pleasant and moments that are hard, but that struggle makes it all worth it and brings around the appreciation for it. The book said it perfectly:

"If you are looking for someone to be your everything, don't look around-look up! God is the only one who can be everything. By expecting perfection from the flesh, you ask more out of someone else than what you can provide yourself."

 You have to be unselfish and see that what we ourselves want is what others want too. The challenge for day 2 is to think about which key relationship this week you are going to be in person with and then focus on being there wholly with them. Block out your own needs and worries and make them feel like at that moment they are the most important person in the world to you. 

The Challenge

I started reading a new book today: Love at Last Sight. In the book they challenge you to name three relationships in your life that you want to make better. They can be friendships, special others, family, any relationship you have in your life that you think is worth devoting time to and make it better. I thought I would open the challenge to everyone I know because just after reading the first days challenge it really got me thinking about how much people don't put in an effort anymore and thats no way to set an example to show someone they matter.

SO here we go

Day 1: Being there Face to Face

"Being there" means actually being there. One of the best gifts you can give someone is your presence in their life. This is the problem in so many of our relationships we try to make them work at an arms length rather than making that extra effort to be truly present. This presence isn't what so many of us reach for- instead we go for technology. This while a very beneficial tool in our society, it is also a huge hinderance on allowing us to build meaningful relationships. Don't get me wrong I use and like technology as much as the next person and how it can help link us to loved ones we are forced to be separated from, but thats not the relationship I am referring to. Technology has created this idea in our heads that relationships should come to us. We have become so used to calls coming in, message notifications popping up, and inboxes constantly pouring in emails. It's almost as if relationships are like a package that are so easily delivered at our doorstep, and we end up managing the people in our lives as typing words on a screen and mouse clicks. We start to think relationships ought to be as convenient as answering a text message or hitting the name and calling the person back. It's as if we view creating and sustaining a relationship as an easy task. No relationship can work forever over technology and to ever truly build it into anything worth being a part of then it needs to be shown the value of someones presence.

Why is this so important?

For me when someone shows the effort to show up in person in my life speaks volumes, it shows that I am important to them. So I have to assume that for others in my life it means more for me to show up and be there rather than simply sending a text message, an email, or a phone call. Most of communication is nonverbal through facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. So think about it if you are only ever using phone or email you are missing out on those nonverbals. Never underestimate the power of a hand on someones shoulder or a hug-physical touch holds so much more power than we give it credit for. Also being together allows for experiences to happen that last with you forever in memory way more than some words shared via texting. You are giving someone a valuable possession: your time. Once time goes by you can't get it back-this is why they say take everyday for what it's worth and live it as if it was your last because you don't know what tomorrow holds. I think of Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"-this is how the Lord views His relationship with you. He is never too preoccupied to spend time with you and he is never too busy for us. So why is it so easy for us to throw out those excuses to those who we say mean a lot to us.

With all of that (sorry it was a big chapter today) the point of the challenge today and this week is to really take on being there! The easy part is deciding you are going to be there, the hard part is following through.

They put it nicely Love at first sight takes on this view: "I'll wait until they show up for me. I'm too busy right now. I'll just send an email, and if they are really my friend then they'll make the time and come to me."

The challenge is to love at last sight: "If I am serious about making sure the people I love know how I feel about them, then I need to take the initiative and get together with them."

Consider the three key relationships you have picked to work on: Think about what sort of being-there connection you can make with one of your key relationships this week and do whatever it takes to spend time with that individual. Don't allow yourself to make excuses-because those are just flags that maybe this relationship isn't worth it to you and think about how that would make you feel if they viewed you in that way.

Love today-Embrace the relationships you value and show the Lord you are going to appreciate that He brought that person (s) into your life.

What a way to wake up your morning!

I am always being asked about my eating habits, and have promised many to share my secrets so bare with me as I start off slowly with updating you on these crazy easy recipes I make!

Many think eating healthy is a difficult task-but I am here to tell you that it really isn't..in fact its quite easy! As easy as driving to the local Micky D's and ordering a breakfast biscuit. It should be common knowledge that breakfast is the most important meal of the day-yet so many of us are quick to say I'd rather take those extra 5 minutes in the morning to sleep than to get up and make a meal. It is my first secret to staying healthy. No matter how busy, tired, or "lazy" you think you are breakfast is important to fuel your body so that you have energy throughout the day! It really sets the tone for the rest of the day and jump starts your metabolism. 

Without breaking out my nerd after so many hours of sleep your body has been fasting overnight and in the morning you are almost in the first stages of starvation. Skipping breakfast keeps your body in the "starvation" mode. So if you are trying to lose weight the last thing you want to do is keep your body in this mode which keeps your metabolism in a lowered state. A good quality breakfast will increase your fat burning ability and boost those energy levels!

So enough of my preaching- here is how I start off every morning that someone doesn't make me breakfast in bed :)

Green-Lean Smoothie

2 handfuls of spinach leaves

1 tablespoon Almond Butter

3/4 cup Fage Greek Yogurt

1 handful of ice cubes

1 cup Flax milk (or Almond milk)

1 Large frozen banana

Blend this baby up and your tummy will be falling in love with you every morning! Spinach leaves have no flavor what so ever they are just totally awesome for your body (and they make the beverage look super healthy)! I have seen other mixes on this recipe by including pineapple instead of almond butter-but that's not my cup of tea in the early morning hours...too much acidity!

Super easy right!? Play around with mixing up whatever smoothie ingredients you want just make sure you add in that spinach!